Hitting bottom in western culture
I've been restless all my life. Never lived in one place for more than a few years. I've never been one to hold a job for more than a few years and always seem to be doing something different. I've really no special skills to speak of. Have managed to make ok money working in insurance as a customer service rep. Its not a job I enjoy at all. I've also worked in hospitality and liked that well enough but there's not enough money in it to raise a family.
I tried going to college, did a course on computers and did another course in being a travel agent. Neither one of those panned out into a good job.
3 years ago I lost my husband in a car accident. That changed my life, I had no job and no husband. So I said the hell with it and moved to Hawaii for a year. Got bored with that, left and came back to Canada to be with my parents. I hadn't lived near them in at least 14 years.
I promised myself that I'd stay here and work 9 -5 until retirement. OMG its been 2 1/2 years that I've been here and I'm at the bottom of depression. I can't do it!! I'm a 42 yr old single mom and can afford to travel. My son is 13. I have made no friends here in the last 2 1/2 years. Don't tell me to join a gym, I've done it. I've done every suggestion possible to meet new people but nothing has worked. Its not that I'm a nasty person, everyone I meet is married or has small children or they have no money to do anything. This is ridiculous. Our western culture has everyone tied up to their jobs and families that they don't notice what's around them.
I want to be with a community, I want a culture to share, I want to help people. I want a life that doesn't involve spending money needlessly. I don't want to commute to work.
I want to own a hostel or a b&b and meet people from all over the world. I want to employ local people, buy local food, support my local community. I want to belong!!
So I'm looking at Nicaragua. My entire family thinks I'm crazy. My oldest son wants me in Florida, no way!! My parents think I'm nuts, we won't visit you in Nicaragua. My youngest son just says whatever makes you happy mom.
I've never been to Nicaragua!! I'm planning on a 2 week visit this summer. We'll do spanish immersion and check everything out. Maybe we won't come back to Canada. I don't know at this point. I told my son that maybe we'll just backpack for a year. He really thinks I'm crazy.
Maybe I am.